The Twelve-Inch Date

The following is based on a true story as I remember it being told to me.  Names  are changed in case I totally screw up.


Mary met Louis on a dating website.  Internet chat led to a phone call, which led to Louis asking Mary out.  Happy to accept, Mary asked, almost as an afterthought, "Do you smoke?"

Louis replied, "I'm trying to quit."

At the appointed time, Louis arrived at Mary's house.  After they greeted each other, Mary took Louis's arm, and he led her to his car.  When he opened the door, the reek of cigarettes assailed her.

Mary hesitated.  Louis was polite and friendly, and she hadn't been on a date for a while.  A little bit angry about the deception but trying to look past it, she sat in the passenger's seat and buckled her seat belt.

As soon as Louis began to back up his car, Mary realized she could not tolerate the smell.  "I'm sorry," she said, opening her door.  "Thank you, but I just can't."

Fleeing inside her house, Mary took one last look back at Louis in his car, which had moved about one foot while she was in it.  They had been on a date for twelve inches.